During the earlier years of my life, I would shit all over everything, and eat the poop.
When I started Kindergarten, I was 4, and so I only knew how to shit. So when my teacher introduced me to the class, she decided to force me to wear clothes. This was a traumatic experience, wearing clothes, and it haunted me for the rest of my life.
One time, in 5th grade, I shat all over my desk because I had eaten at Taco Bell that day, and I got suspended from school.
I decided to start pissing instead of shitting
The instant I pissed on the candles of my birthday cake for my 18th birthday, my hair turned white. And it all went downhill from there.
I died. Cause of death:
I fucked J. K. Rowlings mum and now I'm Gregnant.
Eventually I managed to crawl my way out of hell
I am currently best friends with Dr. Ivo Robotnik, an incredibly cool and attractive and smart man with a PHD in womens studies.