My Life

by Albert Einstein

for legal reasons I am not actually Einstein

Years 0-4

During the earlier years of my life, I would shit all over everything, and eat the poop.

Years 4-12

When I started Kindergarten, I was 4, and so I only knew how to shit. So when my teacher introduced me to the class, she decided to force me to wear clothes. This was a traumatic experience, wearing clothes, and it haunted me for the rest of my life.

One time, in 5th grade, I shat all over my desk because I had eaten at Taco Bell that day, and I got suspended from school.

Years 13-17

I decided to start pissing instead of shitting

Years 18-42

The instant I pissed on the candles of my birthday cake for my 18th birthday, my hair turned white. And it all went downhill from there.

Year 43

I died. Cause of death: